Twisted Nerve

One thing that needs to be stressed more than ever before in modern times is the distinction between forced marriages and arranged marriages. However, before opening 'Pandora's Box', we ought to evaluate the recent media frenzy surrounding the other "Abedin", with particular focus on interfaith relationship.

Whilst the stricture on interfaith relationship in Asian culture mystifies many people from this part of the hemisphere, it helps to take a look at the history of 1947 India before saying, "What's the big deal, man? we live in the 21st Century!!!" The point is, why such restriction? Why is she the victim? Are her parents not the victims? and more importantly, So what are the cultural norms in Bengali Muslim society?

Starting with the last question, first. Cultural setting in a Bengali Muslim society. It varies. In most cases, members form an inclusive relationship within a family where there is a strong bond. I find this difficult to articulate because cultural settings of Bengalis cannot be defined in two short sentences nor can it be defined elaborately, and unless an individual lives in this part of the society, he/she will surely fail to appreciate aspects of this society that seem nonsensical the Western world (and I do apologise for using the taboo 'W').

What does outrage me is, in Humayra's case, I believe her parents' are the victims. Which now takes me on to tackling my question on the victims' issue. Now you may disagree with me on this matter since it was Humayra's parents who locked her up. Firstly, I strongly doubt they would have slaughtered her. Putting aside their actions over the last couple of months, are they not the same two individuals who gave her life? There is no history of them having abused her as a child. Hence, we cannot assume two psychotic twisted individuals to be the parents of a trainee doctor. They have not restricted her career aspirations. Moreover, and secondly, perhaps the only thing they could ever desired from their daughter is for her to marry someone who is from the similar background (Religious/Cultural/Education/Status Quo). Most likely, and obviously, this was in the best intention for Humayra's long-term wellbeing, as it is what any right-minded parent would wish for. Although not all parents in Bangladesh are fussy to this extent, Humayra's parents have stressed on compatibility, and surely, Humayra was aware from a very early age.

Where I do feel empathetically for Humayra is that she was not on a similar level of thought to her parents' wishes, and loved a man as a human being without creed. She may well have been aware of the consequence of this disparity of thought between herself and her parents. In which case, where overwhelming love could not reconcile with parental expectations, she could surely have been emancipated from her parents ??? On the other hand, her parents' could have disowned her instead of creating this embarassing saga.

While it may not be a sin to love someone of another faith and while it is not impossible to show affection as a human being, we must bear in mind that it is a greater sin to knowingly hurt others be it feelings or using violence.